Re: Coffee Wars 9 : Call for Beans

[Joe Barr <joe () pjprimer com>]

After missing the grand prize last year by only *that much, I'm thinking
of trying again.  If there are fewer competitors this year, there is a
good chance I can improve my score.  If there's more, well, that remains
to be seen.





On Tue, 2008-07-08 at 14:44 -0700, foofus () foofus net wrote:
> In addition to whatever other insanity flourishes at Defcon each
> year, the last eight years have been witness to the amazing and
> ridiculous contest known as CoffeeWars.  This single ludicrous
> event is really two contests.  The first, and most important, is
> the attempt to select the finest coffee from all of hacker culture.
> The second is the loopy part: to find the upper limit on how much
> coffee the staff can drink.
>
> Every year, we succeed at the first task.  Every year, we fail at
> the second.  Here is a useful list of key factors contributing to
> the outbreak of coffee wars throughout history:
>
>     1 - because the Kona/JBM debate had to be settled
>     2 - because once was not enough
>     3 - because we went a little crazy
>     4 - because people responded to our brand of crazy
>     5 - because it is now an institution
>     6 - because we're actually getting good at running it
>     7 - because each year the competition gets more intense
>     8 - because of popular demand
>     9 - because you haven't yet had a chance to test your beans
>
> What's that, you say?  You only recall eight coffee wars?  And the
> list mentions a ninth?  Very attentive of you, dear reader.  The
> ninth coffee war will take place exactly when you would expect: on
> Friday, 8 Aug 2008, at the Riviera, at the opening of the con.
>
> The rules remain as few and as simple as we can manage:
>
>     A. Whole coffee beans only: nothing ground, powdered,
>        aerosolized, crystallized, liquified, etc.  Just
>        beans.  If you submit something other than beans,
>        it won't count as an entry.
>     B. Unflavored beans only: we are trying to evaluate
>        coffee, not somebody's science experiment.  If you
>        submit flavored coffee (and this includes stuff
>        with chickory or for that matter any non-coffee
>        ingredient), it won't' count as an entry.
>     C. No decaf.  Seriously, submitting decaf to Coffee
>        Wars is like entering your Ford Granada* in the
>        Indy 500-- it might technically be a car, and maybe
>        it can actually complete a 500-mile distance, but
>        it detracts from the whole experience for everyone.
>     D. Time is critical.  A coffee war lasts only a couple
>        of hours, and it turns out there are limits on the
>        intake capacity of the judges.  If you wish to
>        enter, you need to get your coffee to us at or
>        before the opening of the contest area.  If you
>        want to get your coffee back, you need to make a
>        plan for this when you submit it-- otherwise it
>        will become part of the CoffeeWars legacy. [secret
>        message to G Mark: it was agonizing having to turn
>        away your entry last year solely because of timing]
>     E. Volume is also important.  We need to have enough
>        coffee beans to brew two pots, plus have some beans
>        left to pass around for inspection and smelling.  1/2
>        lb is a good amount; less than 1/4 lb is probably
>        not enough.  If your coffee is really, really good,
>        you probably should submit as much as possible...
>        [secret message to G Mark: come on man, make with
>        the Kona!]
>
> Hey, look!  In the Defcon contest area!  It's CoffeeWars!  Grab your
> glocks and call the cops.  Wait, no.  That's what you're supposed to
> do when you see Tupac.  When you see CoffeeWars, you are supposed to
> submit your best coffee beans for judgment, in the hope that you will
> be awarded a much-coveted prize, plus 3.5 seconds of loving from the
> crowd at the closing ceremony.
>
> What do you say?  Is your coffee good enough to endure the blazing
> crucible of CoffeeWars 9?  Will you join the previous eight winners
> in glory?
>
> Only one way to find out, friend.  So mobilize your beans and enter.
>
> --Foofus.
>
> * If you have actually driven a Ford Granada, well, you know what we
>   mean.
-- 
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly
making exciting discoveries.  A. A. Milne

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