Satire: Template for News Stories on Government Data Gathering

["Fergie" <fergdawg () netzero net>]

Funny, but also... strikingly surreal. :-)

(Hat-tip, Bruce Schneier.)

Via Concurring Opinions.

[snip]

NSA warrantless wiretaps. NSA collection of phone records. CIA
gathering of financial records. 

The stories are endless. To help out reporters, I thought I'd just
write a quick and easy template to make reporting a little bit easier.
So here it is:

Under a top secret program initiated by the Bush Administration after
the Sept. 11 attacks, the [name of agency (FBI, CIA, NSA, etc.)] have
been gathering a vast database of [type of records] involving United
States citizens. 
"This program is a vital tool in the fight against terrorism," [Bush
Administration official] said. "Without it, we would be dangerously
unsafe, and the terrorists would have probably killed you and every
other American citizen." The Bush Administration stated that the
revelation of this program has severely compromised national security. 

"This program is a threat to privacy and civil liberties," [name of
privacy advocate] said. But [name of spokesperson for Bush
Administration] said: "This is a very limited program. It only contains
detailed records about every American citizen. That's all. It does not
compromise civil liberties. We have a series of procedures in place to
protect liberty."

"We're not trolling through the personal data of Americans," Bush said,
"we're just looking at all of their records."

The [name of statute] regulates [type of record] and typically requires
a [type of court order]. Although the [name of agency] did not obtain a
[type of court order], the Bush Administration contends that the progam
is "totally legal." According to the Attorney General, "we can [do
whatever we did or want to do]. The program is part of the President's
emergency war powers."

[snip]

Link:
http://www.concurringopinions.com/archives/2006/06/template_for_ne.html

- ferg


--
"Fergie", a.k.a. Paul Ferguson
 Engineering Architecture for the Internet
 fergdawg () netzero net or fergdawg () sbcglobal net
 ferg's tech blog: http://fergdawg.blogspot.com/


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