Re: Britain hikes terror threat to 'severe'

["Les Bell" <lesbell () lesbell com au>]

Juha-Matti Laurio <juha-matti.laurio () netti fi> wrote:

> >
"Britain raised its terror threat assessment from "substantial" to
"severe", the second-highest level, suggesting an attack on the country is
"highly likely", Home Secretary Alan Johnson said.
<<

This must be some new kind of incomprehensible rating system. Here is some
proper guidance on this subject:

Understanding International Security Levels

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
in th USand have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in
1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised
from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has
increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate
Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their
allies, just in case.

In the Antipodes...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty
teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which
is "crap, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". In the event of
invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic
defensive position called "Sydney".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"Fair dinkum, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is
cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use
of the final escalation level.


Best,

--- Les Bell
[http://www.lesbell.com.au]
Tel: +61 2 9451 1144


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