new terror alerts levels

[Chaim Rieger <chaim.rieger () gmail com>]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist 
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to 
"Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or 
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the 
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been 
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the 
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when 
threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get 
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they 
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror 
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France 
are “Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent 
fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing 
the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to 
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective 
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" 
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher 
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only 
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. 
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish 
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to 
"She’ll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: 
"Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend", and 
"The Barbie is cancelled."

And not to forget the United States. Today their level went from “Bush’s 
fault.” to “Oh no, not this shit again.” However, the traditional 
pepsico Obama logo has been changed to a face palm.

Canada has responded by raising their alert status from “I’m sorry you 
bumped into me” to “Take off, eh!” Canada has two higher levels of alert 
status: “CAR!” and “Hockey Fight!”



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