HOW THE BIG TECH COMPANIES KEEP SCREWING UP

[Jeffrey Walton <noloader () gmail com>]

Whimsical and funny (though there's a lot of truth in there)....

http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/guy_gear/the-first-impression.html

They say that first impressions are everything, and nowhere is this
more true than in the tech industry. This week, it seems that the
running theme is “do it right the first time or forever play damage
control whack-a-mole.” With brands aggressively competing in all
spaces, products are leaving the shop floor half-baked and the
companies are, thankfully, being punished for it.

Apple can’t seem to catch a break, as iOS 6 Maps has led multiple
Australians into a desolate national park some 75 kilometers from
their intended destination. The situation was bad enough that Apple
received public ridicule and now has the dubious honor of putting
people’s lives in danger by pushing out shoddy wares. No number of
boardroom shakeups and managerial falling-on-swords can undo what has
now become Apple’s albatross. Anytime it tries to compete with Google,
or even Microsoft, in information-based application development,
people will instantly recall the steaming turd that was iOS 6 Maps.

But don’t get too excited, Android fanboys. Android security is
Google’s iOS 6 Maps, and this week it drove that image straight home
with a solid whack: Android 4.2’s malware detection service is only
identifying, at best, 15% of virus-laden Android apps. That rate is
barely good enough to be called a tax on malware -- stopping it
outright is a long way off. A couple more years of this and Google’s
going to start looking like it has the clap and people will be
covering their Nexus devices with Magnum rubbers, lest they catch
something oozy.

Next up is the Microsoft Surface, which has created the first
impression of being the patron saint of slow and buggy. Given that the
Surface lacks a retina screen and has a higher price tag than every
other tablet on the market when you add in the Touch cover, it's safe
to say that Microsoft failed miserably at its first impression test
with its crap software execution.

Considering the Xbox is still fighting off years of pain caused by the
Red Ring of Death, MS doesn’t need any more “we make really sh*tty
quality devices” to hamper what’s already emerging as a failed launch
for the Surface. Let’s hope that impression doesn’t spill over into
next year’s Xbox 720 launch.

I’m sure Microsoft is pining for the days when it could crush
complaints with a threat of pulled advertising, but the days of PR
spinning and good press buying are over. Blogs and honest review sites
long ago removed the smooth icing that allowed companies to pay for
good magazine reviews -- the hating industry is a bigger draw for
readers. With tech companies emerging as the new celebrities with
their respective throngs of fans, the tech paparazzi are hiding in the
eaves, waiting for them to screw up and let their vajayjays hang out
while exiting the Benz. A bajillion writers are ready at a minute’s
notice to pen a 2,000-word diatribe on the dribble of mustard you had
on your tie, Apple. Just ask Consumer Reports, which strains to come
out with an iPhone gotcha to rival Antennagate with every new iPhone
release.

So, big three, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Don’t punch
anyone in a bar and remember to buckle up your toddler.
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