Interesting People mailing list archives
Politically Correct Unix (fwd) -- time to smile
From: David Farber <farber () central cis upenn edu>
Date: Wed, 7 Dec 1994 17:33:29 -0500
:An alert subscriber passed this along. Adoption of this terminology :will be made part of ISO-900<n> requirements. After you have learned :them, you will be frozen into a block of ice and the UL logo :will be carved into you with an electric chainsaw. : :-the Editors : : :In article t7u () homer cs mcgill ca, xanorth () marge cs mcgill ca (Xanorth WILFARN :) writes: :> :>This joke was originally posted (as far as I know) by :>John Valenti of the Michigan State University. :> :> :>In order for UNIX(tm) to survive into the nineties, it must get rid of :>its intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become compatible :>with the existing standards of our day. To this end, our technicians :>have come up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use by the PC - :>that is, the "Politically Correct." :> :> Politically Correct UNIX :> System VI Release notes :> :>UTILITIES: :> :>"man" pages are now called "person" pages. :> :>Similarly, "hangman" is now the :>"person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime." :> :>To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command is :>now merely "domestic_quadruped." :> :>To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the :>male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no. To :>address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a :>"-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is :>ignored. :> :>The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by :>the more neutral "gendre" command. :> :>The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due :>to its inappropriate use by high-level managers. :> :>"compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command. :>Thus, old information (such as that from Dead White European Males) :>should be archived via "tar" and "feather". :> :>The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the Reagan :>era. System VI uses the environmentally preferable "less" command. :> :>The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally unfriendly :>"LaTeX". :> :>SHELL COMMANDS: :> :>To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been :>renamed "euthanise." :> :>The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give :>themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to be :>"nice". In System VI, the "sue" command is used by unprivileged users :>to get for themselves the rights enjoyed by privileged ones. :> :>"history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory." :> :>"quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and will be :>strictly enforced. :> :>The "abort()" function is now called "choice()." :> :>TERMINOLOGY: :> :>>From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as :>"exploitive capitalist text". :> :>The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative. Such processes :>will now be known as "spiritual guides." :> :>There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and :>"smart" terminals. All terminals are equally valuable. :> :>Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was white :>on black. This implicitly condoned European colonialism, particularly :>with respect to people of African descent. UNIX System VI now uses :>"regressive video" to refer to white on black, while "progressive :>video" can be any color at all over a white background. :> :>For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root" :>and his "wheel" oligarchy. We have instituted a dictatorship of the :>users. All system administration functions will be handled by the :>People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS). :> :>No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be "owned" :>by users. All files and processes will own themselves, and decided how :>(or whether) to respond to requests from users. :> :>The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 Window :>System. :> :>And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively :>Challenged. :>- ---- :>UNIX(tm) is a trademark of UNIX System Laboratories. Any similarty of :>names or attitudes to that of any person, living or dead, is purely :>coincidental. :>- -- :> :> :>-- :>------------------------------------------------- :>______ :>\ \/ / Xanorth Licorne Blanche :> \/\/ Wilfarn xanorth () cs mcgill ca : :
Current thread:
- Politically Correct Unix (fwd) -- time to smile David Farber (Dec 07)