IP: HUMOR school test questions and alleged answers :-)

[David Farber <dave () farber net>]

> Date: Sun, 27 Jan 2002 12:58:58 -0800
> From: Jim Warren <jwarren () well com>
> Subject: school test questions and alleged answers   :-)
>
> The following questions and answers were collected from tests given in 
> 2000 to 16 year old students!  (Don't laugh too hard; one of these may be 
> the president someday ... or may run for another term.)
>
> Q: Name the four seasons.
> A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
>
> Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
> A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
> pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
>
> Q: What is a planet?
> A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
>
> Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
> A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
> tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
> and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
>
> Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
> A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
>
> Q: What are steroids?
> A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
>
> Q: What happens to your body as you age?
> A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
>
> Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
> A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
>
> Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
> A: Keep it in the cow.
>
> Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
> A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
> and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax
> contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
> five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
>
> Q: What is the Fibula?
> A: A small lie.
>
> Q: What does "varicose" mean?
> A: Nearby.
>
> Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
> A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
>
> Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
> A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
>
> Q: What is a seizure?
> A: A Roman emperor.
>
> Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
> A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
>
> Q: What is a turbine
> A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
>
> Q: What is a Hindu?
> A: It lays eggs.

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