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FC: NRA's virtual shooting gallery irks liberals, Cubans (satire)
From: Declan McCullagh <declan () well com>
Date: Mon, 05 Jun 2000 09:13:01 -0400
http://www.madcowculture.com/madcow-00050.html This virtual shooting gallery will put food on the table and war in its place Dead Meat June 4, 2000 By Mad Cow Culture (madcowculture () madcowculture com) The National Rifle Association plans to open a shooting gallery in New York's Times Square. To be called Sports Blast, the virtual shooting gallery will also have a restaurant in which wild game will be served. Indeed, those really quick on the draw will be able to shoot their own meals and dine within a requisite twenty-five minutes. This will give a whole new meaning to fast food. Though marketed as a place for healthy, family shooting, Sports Blast has been criticized already for encouraging vigilantism and acts of revenge. For example, the shooting gallery will offer customers a chance to hunt and execute criminals on the 10 Most Wanted List or those that should be there (There will exist an opportunity to make you own list, allowing players to add family members, neighbors, and annoying subway riders at will). The customer decides whether to summarily execute the criminal or let the legal system take over. Points are awarded for executions, and they can be used to purchase deer burgers at the wild game grill during which diners can watch videos of big game hunts conducted by actors and politicians. Petty criminals who steal gold chains in the subway or threaten pregnant women will also be hunted in this virtual shoot-out. However, they will be subjected to serious wounding, rather than execution. Customers will have the option of letting these alleged felons bleed to death. Children will need the approval of parent or guardian before they can make such series adult decisions. A major attraction is expected to be the Virtual Hunt in which participants can hunt any animal on earth, even those on the endangered list or extinct, with any weapon from club to tank. A sense of proportion is encouraged. Critics argue that this game will encourage a sense of disproportion and overkill among children who might well use an AK47 to hunt rabbit or squirrel. The NRA counters that this is all good clean fun and no animal actually dies. But reality does enter the picture, at least for those over 18. Shooters who kill the most game--in dressed pounds--over the course of a year, will be eligible for a real big game hunt in Africa. Those with a more adventurous streak will have the option of joining a soldier of fortune club or an unregulated mercenary group to ferment unrest in sub-Sahara Africa. However, these activities will have to be approved by the US State Department which regularly uses such groups as instruments of foreign policy. Sports Blast offers a Virtual Invasion designed especially for Cuban-Americans who want to overthrow Castro but don't want to leave the comforts of Miami. Players have at their disposal all manner of weaponry from crude, home-made knives to nuclear weapons. A "game within a game" involves finding where Castro is hiding and sending in a sniper team to take him out. No points are deducted if innocent bystanders become "collateral damage." Winners have the option of obliterating the island entirely or staging tire-burning festivals in Miami. The US government is concerned that this harmless game will encourage inflammatory behavior on the part of Cuban Americans and even instigate another Bay of Pigs. On hearing about this game from pirated television signals, Castro reportedly threatened to unleash on Miami a thousand raft boys, mainly from Haiti, with a prospect of swamping the American court system. NBC is already talking about a made-for-television docudrama. The NRA has brushed aside pleas from New York politicians to take the Sports Blast to New Jersey. Executive Director Pierre Pearpointe dismisses this option. "New York is one of the most violent cities in the world," he countered. "Our virtual games will allow all New Yorkers to become proficient with their weapon of choice in a soothing family setting. In fact, there is compelling evidence that if players kill enough people and animals in these virtual games, that will satisfy their blood lust and lower the crime rate. Our focus groups have shown that, although heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety and anger increase sharply during these games, players are quite relaxed on leaving, especially after eating a large deer or monkey burger in a social setting where kill ratios can be discussed rationally around the family table, as it were." Another game, which according to the NRA is designed to lower tribal and ethnic tensions, is called "Make Your Own War." Team of players will encourage tribal wars among Muslims, Catholics, Hindus and Zulus. The idea is to wipe out a tribe without leaving any incriminating evidence, including DNA. An ex-Serbian army colonel will be on location for free consultation. In fact, players can actually hire an on-location consultant to help customers improve their scores and chances for prizes. There is some fear that the Russian Mafia is already seeking a cut of tourists' winnings. What is causing particular consternation is a game tentatively titled "Remake Your Own War," where participants can simply change the outcome of any major war in history by computer manipulation. New York politicians, especially those representing Jewish constituencies, fear neo-Nazis will be offered a safe platform to rewrite World War II. Pearpointe brushes aside this fear. "Everyone knows Hitler is dead. That's even advertised on one of our T-shirts: Dead Meet." Pearpointe did not elaborate on the spelling of "meet." The NRA will be offering versions of these virtual war games on CD-ROMs marketed initially to petty African dictators who squander lives and aid money to gain a few miles of useless land. NRA has targeted Eritrea and Ethiopia for such a product. Indeed, Pearpointe reports that the United Nations is encouraging nations in conflict to fight their battles on a "virtual field" before they commit to an actual war. He says we "are getting to the point where good hand-eye coordination will be the key to battlefield success. Heavy-set, hung -over tyrants who wear big rings and gold pistols won't stand a chance against the nimble nerds who dress badly." The truly blood thirsty will be able to shoot the actual meat that will be served at home. These sports people will be able to shoot sheep, bison and cows grazing in distant meadows. Five-hundred farmers across the country are participating in the program for a fixed fee and advertising on the NRA website. Through the use of proprietary technology, players will be able to shoot the actual animal with a dye, made popular in suburban war games, in effect marking their kill. The marked meat will be delivered to them, by Federal Express, right after slaughter, at the going market rate. Pearpointe admits there are still a few bugs in this virtual game. Apparently game testers have been shooting everything in sight from the barn to Farmer Jones and his wife. Even the chickens haven't escaped the dye. The solution will likely mean limiting participation in this game to people over 21 who can be expected to make mature decisions about what to serve for supper. Pearpointe is adamant that these bugs will be worked out and Sports Blast will take its proper place alongside Disney and Warner in a rehabilitated Times Square. "At the end of the day we are no more violent than Disney." "Have you seen how profoundly shaken children are after seeing the new dinosaur movie?" Disney responded that none of its characters would be licensed to the NRA for its virtual war games. Attempting to have the last word Pearpointe responded: "We want nothing to do with Mickey Mouse activities." This article written by Mad Cow Culture (madcowculture () madcowculture com). -------------------------------------------------------------------------- POLITECH -- the moderated mailing list of politics and technology To subscribe, visit http://www.politechbot.com/info/subscribe.html This message is archived at http://www.politechbot.com/ --------------------------------------------------------------------------
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- FC: NRA's virtual shooting gallery irks liberals, Cubans (satire) Declan McCullagh (Jun 05)